Emperor of Mars is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars. Four variants of this episode were recorded and released.
- Sparks Nevada - Marc Evan Jackson
- Croach the Tracker - Mark Gagliardi
- Variant B - Craig Cackowski
- The Marshal Station Doors
- Folksy Hal (Narrator) - Hal Lublin
- Emperor Yessel
- Bill Clover
Having just recently hired Bill Clover as the sheriff on Mars upon the orders of the Mars-Earth Coalition, Sparks asks Croach if he wants to write the report to reduce his onus or if Croach would like him to do it, since Sparks loves writing reports. Croach immediately begins being argumentative and badly using sarcasm to fight with Sparks about the issue. Sparks is confused about what they're fighting about.
Bill Clover enters the marshal station and begins to adamantly declare that he doesn't want to be sheriff. Nobody explained to him that winning the quick-draw contest in Sheriff on Mars would result in being instilled as Sheriff. Bill never wanted to be sheriff, just to prove he's the quickest draw in town. Croach points out that Bill was the quickest draw among those who were allowed to enter the contest. Sparks thinks he's the exception Croach is mentioning, which annoys Croach. Sparks says the whole thing was the mayor's idea, and also tries to convince Bill he's going to be a great sheriff. Sparks says Bill is really quick on the draw, kindly, and even tempered.
Croach sarcastically points out that Bill can't detect the flying saucer landing outside, and The Marshal Station Doors confirms the presence of the flying saucer. Sparks, Croach and Bill go outside and greet the alien emerging from their ship. The alien looks human, but isn't a human, and is wearing a one-piece silver jumpsuit.
The alien introduces themselves as Emperor Yessel, and their robot as Gork. Yessel declares themselves the Emperor of Mars. Sparks points out to Bill that this is why the town needs a sheriff and makes Bill tell Yessel to get back in their starcraft and leave town or he'll show Yessel why it's such a bad idea to not obey. Yessel declines to leave and tells Gork to shoot Bill. Sparks encourages Bill to draw and shoot, but Bill panics, doesn't draw, and is shot and killed by Gork.
Croach continues to object to Sparks' behavior until Sparks insists Croach tells him what they're fighting about. Croach reminds Sparks how he's been talking all day about how someone wasn't allowed to enter the quick-draw contest, and Sparks realizes that Croach has been talking about himself. Sparks asks if Croach wanted to be sheriff, but Croach says no, he didn't want to be sheriff, as holding human office would shame him. Croach merely wanted to be considered for the job, even though he'd turn the job down. Sparks apologizes sarcastically, which Croach thinks is sincere and accidentally responds sarcastically when he realizes Sparks' apology isn't sincere.
Sparks then apologizes sincerely, which Croach accepts. Yessel, amused throughout the entire conversation, says they're glad they decided to emperor this planet. Sparks tells Yessel they're under arrest for landing without a permit and declaring themselves emperor. Croach also writes Yessel a citation, which Yessel accepts. Yessel then threatens to sic Gork on Sparks, but Sparks shoots and kills Yessel before they can tell Gork what to do. Gork panics without someone to give him a directive. Sparks orders Gork to be sheriff, which he accepts.
Croach says Sparks is proving himself exceptional at his job and unexceptional and hurting the few feelings he possesses.
- Variant A has Sara Watkins and Sean Watkins performing the theme song. The rest of the episodes have the canned theme song.
- Yessel has been played by three men and a woman, thus the gender-neutral pronoun in the summary.
- This is the 166th episode of The Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The previous episode is Panel from C2E2, Chicago's Comic Con.
- The next episode is Beyond Belief - Prelude to a Fish.
- The previous episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Sheriff on Mars (TAH #162).
- The next episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Inventor-y (TAH #170).
- This episode was released on May 19, 2014. It was performed and recorded at:
- Writers: Ben Acker and Ben Blacker
- Director: Aaron Ginsburg
- Music: Andy Paley Orchestra
- Sparks Nevada Theme: Eban Schletter
- Sound Effects: Cayenne Chris Conroy