Free Kicks is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars.
- Sparks Nevada - Marc Evan Jackson
- Croach the Tracker - Mark Gagliardi
- Felton - Craig Cackowski
- Barkeep - Joshua Malina
- Bradam - Hal Lublin
- Caylum - Paul F. Tompkins
- Folksy Hal (Narrator) - Hal Lublin
Sparks Nevada, believing that Pemily has moved past her bloodthirst left over from Punishment Soccer, takes her and Croach to a youth league soccer game. He mentions how great she's been doing at being a deputy, with fighting robots, and helping Croach clean out a blob infestation from the general store. He tells her he's proud of her and that she's ready to face watching a non-punishment soccer game.
Felton arrives, calling for halp. Pemily worries that her bloodlust will be triggered, but Sparks reassures her and keeps her calm. Felton says his team, the Little Marshals, is playing another team whose coach is known for being extremely inspiring to his team and intimidating to other coaches.
The Barkeep enters, and Felton complains that the Barkeep is the other coach and is intimidating. Barkeep says he likes giving back to the community, as since using the Force Galactic to restore his saloon he's realized the entire planet is his place, and he don't want no trouble in it. He asks Sparks to root for his team, The Troublemakers. (You don't want them in your place.)
Felton says the Troublemakers are the most ruthless kids he's ever seen outside of punishment soccer, and Barkeep says he doesn't even use the Force Galactic to aid in their victories. He says he only uses his powers to foresee his victories. The coaches head off to start the game.
Pemily becomes nervous about the game, but Sparks encourages her to enjoy herself as Croach is enjoying himself. Croach says watching the game is giving him many feelings, as the running on the field reminds him of tribal rituals. Croach grows more excitable as the game goes on.
Pemily says she thinks she is hallucinating seeing Yeera, her boyfriend at the time of her punishment soccer game, on the field, calling timeout and walking up to her in the stands. Yeera really does arrive, and Croach seems more excited about Yeera's appearance than Pemily. Sparks worries that Pemily's bloodlust will trigger, but she says she's fine.
Felton explains that before Cactoid Jim got frozen in carbonite, when he dismantled the Punishment Soccer on the Earth's Moon, people felt so bad about what they let the kids do to each other, they cloned all of the kids ever killed in Punishment Soccer. Sparks reminds Felton that Clones ARE people and have had people rights for 10 years.
All of the kids on the field are Punishment Soccer players, whom Pemily recognizes. Yeera asks Pemily to play with them, but Pemily declines, saying she has a job to do now and she's moved on from her feelings about Yeera. Sparks notes that she really does seem all right, and even Pemily is even surprised at how okay she is. Croach speaks up and says he possesses a singularity of emotions, Yeera being the hub of them.
Sparks realizes that Croach is having Pemily's feelings for her as Croach grows very excitable. Croach possesses a doomed longing for Yeera. The Barkeep says that Croach is experiencing an episode of what Martians call "dvie’yeece", in which when a Martian takes on someone's emotions when in close proximity to intense emotions. Sparks wants to get Croach out of there before Croach triggers Pemily's bloodlust and starts killing people.
Bradam and Jessamyn arrive from off the field, excited to get to be together. Pemily notes that they're the ones that killed Yeera, but feels nothing about it. Croach, however, has a powerful flashback he cannot control, is overcome with bloodlust, and kills Jessamyn and Bradam.
Pemily attempts to get through to Croach, and asks him to give her the emotions back. Barkeep says that Croach is unable to do so, but he can by using the Force Galactic. Sparks points out that Pemily might become overwhelmed as well. Croach threatens to massacre everyone present. Even Barkeep doesn't know if Pemily will be able to handle it, but Pemily swears she's ready. Sparks tells Barkeep to do it.
Barkeep moves Pemily's feelings back to her, and Yeera attempts to talk her down, but Pemily assures everyone she is able to control her emotions. Yeera and Pemily part on good terms, saying they will think of each other often, but go their separate ways. Croach makes it clear he is no longer attracted to Yeera without Pemily's emotions.
Felton takes everyone out for a pizza party as the episode ends.
- The theme song is not sung in this episode, marking one of only two regular (Non-Christmas special) Sparks Nevada episode without the theme song. The other is Space Oil.
- Barkeep apparently did not completely rid himself of The Force Galactic in Wanted Men, when requested to do so.
- In the introduction, Sparks is introduced as normal and says he's from Earth. Croach is introduced and says he's from G'loot Praktaw and tells Sparks not to "Say it" but Sparks mutters "Mars" anyway. Pemily is then introduced and says she's a deputy now, and wishes the kids she grew up with could see her now.
- In the original recording of this segment in October 2013, Annie Savage played Jessamyn. The rest of the cast was the same. See the Production section below for more information.
- Punishment Soccer players mentioned:
- Bradam and Jessamyn from Zone 7. Paulf, who invented alliances.
- Hosette Underbrook who secretly had gills, thus instituting pre-match genetic testing.
- Drebecca, who broke the Punishment Soccer color barrier, leading to stronger electrified color barriers on every field.
- This is the 150th episode of the Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The prior episode is Beyond Belief - Basil's Day.
- The next episode is Fan Questions Answered! #3.
- The prior episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Christmas on Jupiter (TAH #191).
- The next episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Moonfaker (TAH #152).
This episode was originally performed and recorded at Largo at the Coronet on October 5, 2013. It was later re-recorded January 19, 2014 at the Nerdist Theater at Meltdown Comics due to audio issues with the original recording. It was released on January 27, 2014.