Jones On Third is an episode of Beyond Belief.
- Frank Doyle - Paul F. Tompkins
- Sadie Doyle - Paget Brewster
- Detective Corso - Autumn Reeser
- Spooky Hal (Narrator) - Hal Lublin
Frank and Sadie interrupt Spooky Hal's introduction, as they claim that he isn't beginning it correctly. Instead of beginning high above Manhattan, the Doyles begin their story at an auction house where they have won their latest auction purchase.
Sadie interrupts Frank's story to begin their story in a different place - back at their apartment (which annoys Spooky Hal), where the Doyles are finishing their breakfast (of liquor, naturally) when the mail arrived, informing them of the previously mentioned auction. They excitedly discuss the item that they have an interest in bidding upon, when their story is interrupted by Pterodactyl Jones.
Jones insists that that isn't how the story began either. It began even earlier than the Doyles hearing about an auction, with Jones giving up the supernatural detective life to become a mailman (he also gave up dames, smoking, and, to the Doyles' shock and horror, liquor).
Jones delivered a parcel to Kirk and Irma Cook. Irma and Jones flirt heavily while Kirk takes his time signing for the parcel. Jones leaves, but quickly returns. Irma begs Jones to help her escape her husband, and she gives Jones a glass of water (as he no longer drinks).
Kirk discovers the two of them together and the Kirk and Jones get into a fight. Kirk quickly gains the upper hand, and Jones quickly goes down thanks to the drugged water Irma gave him. When Jones wakes up he finds that Kirk is dead and that he has been framed as the murderer.
Kirk, or rather the ghost of Kirk, interrupts Jones' story. Despite not remembering all the facts of his death, he's sure Jones is his murderer and plans to follow Jones until he has gotten his revenge. Frank and Sadie point out that Kirk doesn't have any evidence to back up his claims.
When Kirk's ghost first began to haunt Jones, Jones went back to the scene of the crime to try to find evidence to exonerate himself. Unfortunately for Jones, he found no evidence. After overhearing the lead detective, Detective Corso, say that Irma had pointed the finger at Jones for the crime, making Jones was the lead suspect.
Kirk discusses some of the case details he was able to overhear, such as his cause of death (a blow to the back of the head). Unfortunately for Kirk and Jones, the murder weapon is missing and it's the vital evidence that could prove Jones' innocence or send him to prison.
This brings them back to Sadie's story of the mail arriving, which then joins onto Frank's story of winning the auction - three antique shelves of aged liquors (6 bottles total).
Frank and Sadie argue with Jones about exorcising Kirk. Jones refuses to help as it goes against his new rules, but quickly relents after Kirk says he wants to go to Wisconsin. However, before they can begin the ritual, Detective Corso arrives to arrest Jones.
Jones proclaims his innocence but has no proof, which is when the Doyles continue their story. When they returned home from the auction and examined their winnings they discovered they had 7 bottles. Although at first they thought the extra bottle was some sort of gift from the auction house (as thanks for not making fun of the auctioneer's tiny gavel), or that one of their bottles had somehow made it's way into the antique collection, but they soon realized that the seventh bottle had a ghostly aura around it.
The seventh bottle was added after the auction listing was published, and the bottle's ghostly aura is due to it being the murder weapon. With this evidence in hand, Jones is exonerated. Corso puts out an APB for Irma, and leaves. Kirk follows Corso, since he wants to haunt his murderous wife.
Corso leaves the bottle, and Sadie surmises that Corso has left it on purpose so that she has a reason to track Jones down later.
Jones thanks the Doyles, and Frank tells Jones he can make it up to them by giving them a new bottle for the one taken as evidence.
Sadie: Don't goad the narrator darling, his job is thankless enough.
Frank: Think of your first greatest affection.
Sadie: Are you for auction darling?
Frank: Well, I'd ask what happened next but I'm having trouble following anything after you said you'd stopped drinking.
Jones: Do you know that the word 'smitten' and the words 'to smite' have the etymological route?
Sadie: Oh, like 'I'll have another' and 'I love you'?
Frank: Say Jonesy, there's usually a supernatural element to our stories. Not that I'm complaining but uh, you wouldn't have one of those, would you?
Kirk: You think I like following this drip around? All he does is sulk and narrate all convoluted.
Kirk: Have you ever seen your own body from the outside?
Frank: Well, mirrors exist, so yes.
Kirk: Even though the lady detective -
Sadie: They're just called detectives.
PJ: What about my rules? By which I mean the new rules I made up a few months ago.
Sadie: You didn't mention the detective was a dame!
Kirk: I said, she's a lady detective.
Sadie: Not all ladies are dames, darling.
Frank: Just the good ones.
Sadie: Why we're the Doyles darling, we save the day.
Corso: It sounds to me like you're just complicating the day.
Frank: Oh, that's just a bonus.
Corso: It takes a dame to find a dame.
- Clink count: 12
- Unofficial Transcript by neuroticchihuahua
- Jones ringing the doorbell twice is a reference to The Postman Always Rings Twice.
- This is the 178th episode of The Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The previous episode is Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars - Wild, Wild Quest.
- The next episode is Beyond Belief - The Blodsucker Proxy - Variant A, with the ad A Word From WorkJuice Coffee - Bucatino Business #2 (TAH #178.1) in between.
- The previous episode in Beyond Belief canon is The Bloodsucker Proxy - Original Variant (TAH #172).
- The next episode in Beyond Belief canon is Werewolf of Wall Street (TAH #183).
This episode was recorded at Largo on August 2nd, 2014 and released on August 18, 2014.