Marshal on Mars is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars
- Sparks Nevada - Marc Evan Jackson
- Croach the Tracker - Mark Gagliardi
- The Red Plains Rider - Busy Philipps
- Ginny West - Janet Varney
- Barkeep - Joshua Malina
- The Saloon Doors - Annie Savage
- Felton - Craig Cackowski
- Dolores County - Autumn Reeser
- Folksy Hal (Narrator) - Hal Lublin
- Pemily Stallwark - Molly Quinn
- Techs - Timothy Omundson
- MechCoy - Matt Gourley
- Wired Bill - Richard Speight, Jr.
- Billy the Bot - Rider Strong
- Steel Magnolia - Alexandra Barreto
- Alloy Roy - Michael McMillian
- Claxon - Nick Wechsler
- Iron Ron - Charley Koontz
The episode opens in The Space Saloon, where The Saloon Doors are excited to be hosting the rehearsal dinner for Sparks and Ginny's wedding. Sparks and Ginny both admit neither have finished writing their vows, Red is having a hard time with the change, and Croach says he'll only miss Ginny. Red notes the Sparks has been ornery all day.
Felton arrives, with a list of reasons to panic, including losing the wedding ring, and he's losing his head at the responsibilities of being Best Man. Sparks says Barkeep is Best Man too, and Barkeep has everything under control. Croach is upset to hear that Sparks has several Best Men, including Mercury being a Best Man, and Pemily as Best Ma'am. Pemily and Dolores arrive, and Sparks says Dolores and The Saloon Doors can be on the Best Man crew, too, which worsens Croach's mood.
Red, Ginny's Best Woman, says she'll shoot anyone trying to get in the way of Ginny's bliss, including Sparks. Croach is worried as if anything happens to Ginny, Red will have to marry Sparks in accordance with their tribe's traditions. Barkeep says that Harriet is also absentee Best Ladying, and has resolved several problems including finding the wedding ring.
The Saloon Doors then open, and an entire gang of Robot outlaws, lead by Techs, enters. Techs explains that he was on the way to officiate the wedding, as he was hired by Felton to do the job after doing such a good job at Red and Jim's wedding. On the way there, he found his old hard drive from before he became a preacher, installed it, and is now back to being an outlaw and wants to kill the marshal.
Ginny threatens Techs should he hurt Sparks, but Techs explains that he's there to kill the person wearing the badge, in this case, Red.
Sparks asks MechChoy and Wild Bill if this is what they want to do, after being a part of Tech's congregation for so long. They say that Techs has now instead convinced them to hate the person who wears the badge. Billy the Bot is completely unsure, as nothing is sure, but this is what he's doing.
Steel Magnolia and Alloy Roy say that their love, and their feet broke them out of jail. They're there just because they like doing activities together. Sparks asks Iron Ron if he really wants to do this when he's raising a human baby with Gork and Aver-E. Iron says that he thinks he can have it all, even with Francie and her other dads in his life.
Sparks tells them all if what they really want is to get shot by the toughest and kindest group of hombres in the galaxy while the Barkeep and Felton watch, then wait and see what happens. Iron Ron, Steel Magnolia, Alloy Roy and Billy the Bot leave.
The remaining robots, including Tech, stick around. Techs says to not ruin the rehearsal dinner, nor the wedding, and the others put away their guns. Ginny says she was able to temporarily stall Techs' vendetta protocol, it'll come back after the service. Red and Techs plan to meet late in the week to showdown. Sparks warns her against showing down with Techs, but she isn't worried. Croach angrily asks if Sparks wants Techs to be a Best Man as well, and Wired Bill, Mechoy and Billy the Bot, too. Sparks says why not, and asks them.
This trips Tech's vendetta protocol, and the bots draw guns again. Sparks convinces the rest of the bots to aim their guns at him, instead, as there's more than one Marshal of Mars.
Sparks then speechifies, using the Sparks Nevada Theme Song as his soliloquy -- he rights the outlaw wrongs on Mars, with a pair of Robot Fists. Sparks' Fists are equipped, and he punches Techs out, and the rest of the robots run away.
Sparks then tells his assembled friends, he's realized there's no sunset to ride off into when you live in a place with people you care about, and he rights the outlaw wrongs, on Mars. He tells Ginny to consider those his vows. Ginny says her vows are that Sparks is lucky she loves him, but they'll have private, secret vows, as well.
Barkeep asks if they'd like this to be the wedding, since he has authority to preside. Everyone Ginny loves is there, so she says yes, and Sparks is only missing his parents, which is okay by him.
Barkeep attempts to pronounce them Man and Wife, but Croach stops him. Croach tells Sparks that Sparks' speech stirred in him powerful emotions. He says he's upset Sparks has designated everyone his Best Man, except him, hurting Croach's feelings. Sparks says he didn't realize Croach would want to, he thought Croach was only still around because of onus, but Croach says he hasn't been under onus to Sparks for five cycles, he's stayed because Sparks is his best friend. Sparks promotes Croach to first position -- Best Friend.
Barkeep again attempts to marry Sparks and Ginny, but Ginny stops him to confirm with Sparks that he's going to return to being Marshal on Mars. He confirms it, and Red says she'd be happy to share the job -- it's way too much paperwork. Ginny is happy about it, as well, they'll whisper secrets to each other in the dark and make each other breakfast in the light as long as they both shall live.
After a brief third stop, Barkeep pronounces them husband and wife, and Sparks and Ginny kiss.
Sparks tells Ginny "I love you, Ginny West", to which Ginny responds "And I love you, my buddy!"
- Techs mentions "The Creator", Wynant, probably speaking of Colton Wynant, or possibly his son, Jeremy.
- Sparks calling Croach his best friend has been a long time coming. Sparks first attempted to call Croach his best friend in Companeros, then later dream-Croach in Murder In His Place, and finally nearly did so in The Great Thrilling Adventure Hour / Welcome to Night Vale Crossover.
- Acker and Blacker confirmed that Ginny is indeed a Jupiter Spy in TAH Post-Show #1, and this was much later confirmed in canon in That's No Honeymoon (TAH #228).
- The "No!" response by the audience to Folksy Hal's "Is this the end of Sparks Nevada?" was thought of by someone while waiting in line at Largo to pick up tickets, and was passed down through the line.
- This is the 220th episode of The Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The previous episode is Beyond Belief - It's a Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad World.
- The next episode is TAH Post-Show #1 - Acker & Blacker.
- The previous episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is Space-ships Passing in the Night (TAH #212).
- The next episode in Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars canon is That's No Honeymoon (TAH #228).
This episode was recorded at Largo on April 11, 2015 and released on August 17, 2015.