That's No Honeymoon is an episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars.

TAH 228

Hal Lublin, Mark Gagliardi, Janet Varney, Marc Evan Jackson, John Hodgman, and Rhett Miller.[1]


Episode audio at Nerdist


WorkJuice PlayersEdit

Guest Stars Edit


Sparks Nevada and Ginny West-Nevada arrive on the Honey Moon, formerly Fumfum-6 of the SK System. QQQQ, an Empathy Being, tells them to enjoy themselves as he shows them their room, and leaves.

Ginny soon asks Sparks why he's been more taciturn and gumbly since the wedding. Before he can answer, Ronk and QQQQ enter to ask them if they can help ease the tension in the room, then leave. Sparks points out that Ginny called Sparks his buddy, and then asks Ginny if she is a Jupiter Spy. Ginny, offended, storms off into the bathroom and attempts, unsuccessfully, to slam the door. Sparks says he'll apologize only after she confirms she's not a Jupiter Spy.

Croach enters, and informs Sparks he thinks Ginny may be a Jupiter Spy, despite Sparks' insistence he already knows. As Sparks attempts to tell Croach to butt out, Felton enters and informs Sparks he thinks Ginny might be Jupiter Spy. Croach and Felton wonder if the Ginny Sparks married is the real, or if she's a spy who replaced a human Ginny at some point.

QQQQ, Ronk, and Xance enter, insisting that Sparks and Ginny find the love between them and bask in it, or else. Croach points out that the Empathy Beings are metamorphosing on a cellular level to much more dangerous beings. Sparks tells Felton he must calm down, as he doesn't want the Empathy Beings to take on Felton's emotions. Sparks and Ginny continue to bicker over whether or not she's a spy, and why Sparks brought his guns on their honeymoon.

Barkeep then enters, saying that he and Harriet are on planet for one of their many second honeymoon. Barkeep doesn't remember Jib Janeen or the Jupiter spies. He only stopped by to see trouble play out in someone else's place. Felton says now he's both scared, and jealous of Harriet and Mordecai's marriage.

Sparks begins to lose his patience at Ginny and insists she tell him if she's a spy. All four Empathy Beings enter, all very angry, and explain that their emotions are causing danger to everyone in the resort, as they could fly into a murderous rage at any moment. Sparks attempts to calm down, and tells Ginny he now wants to learn about her and who she is. He then realizes he does love Ginny, no matter who she really is.

The Empathy Beings also calm down, and Ginny emerges from the bathroom. Croach confirms everyone is now calm, when The Red Plains Rider arrives. Red tells everyone to shut up, and that Sparks has enough sense to figure out his own stuff on his own time. She is there to shoo Croach away, not that she's angry. The Empathy Beings confirm she only has her low-level omnipresent anger. She and Croach decide to get a room at the resort. Felton decides to go back home, as he's alone.

Sparks apologizes, saying he should have talked to her instead of simmering in his anger. He tells Ginny he loves her, then Ginny confesses that she is a Jupiter Spy, although she has a secret to tell him. The episode then ends before Ginny tells her secret.


  • This episode confirms for the first time in canon that Sparks' middle name is "Hansel".



This episode was recorded at SF Sketchfest on January 9, 2016 and released on April 11, 2016.


  1. A new episode of the podcast is up now!

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