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When Cthulu Cthalls is an episode of Beyond Belief.

AudioEdit

"When Chtulu Cthalls" on Nerdist

CastEdit

WorkJuice PlayersEdit

Guest StarsEdit

PlotEdit

Frank and Sadie are visiting Donna Henderson at her Park Avenue apartment, having drinks and keeping her company while Dave is working on a big case.

There's a knock at the door, and K.C. and Margie Corker enter. They inquire if Donna and the Doyles have put any thought into the afterlife. You know, fire and Brimstone and Water and Nutmeg? Despite several attempts to eject the Corkers, they stay and continue to prepare Donna and the Doyles for "what's coming", the end of the world.

The Corkers announce that the Old Ones are being reawakened, and the oldest Old Ones will be inhabiting Donna and Dave's daughter, as she is the best vessel, having come from the most unholy union. The Corkers show the Doyles their literature, a book made with a cover of human flesh. Donna cannot thrall the Corkers, as their faith is too strong.

The Corkers say the moon will go out, the ocean will scream, birds will die, cats will bark, and everyone present will be ripped asunder. The Doyles are not able to stop the ritual from being performed as it's being enacted in 5 houses around town, forming a pentagram, and Donna's home is at the center of the pentagram.

After a small delay, the rite is finished, and the Oldest Old One arrives. He tells the Corkers that a lot of the old ones have passed on of old age, while some have retired, so he's the only one that came. The Old One says he just doesn't have "it" anymore, and the Corkers give him an inspiring pep talk. Donna reminds the Old One that fitting into a baby is going to be a tight squeeze and destroying the world is a lot of work.

The Old One is torn, and welcomes the debate and other opinions. He asks Frank and Sadie their opinions, as they aren't related to the baby. The Old One calls K.C. a tattletale and starts to dislike him. Frank and Sadie note that nobody went insane when they saw him, and maybe something could go wrong when inhabiting the baby. They suggest giving inhabiting a practice run and to pop into something else. Sadie suggests a few items, and the Old One chooses to climb inside a nearby lamp, to practice.

He gets into the lamp, despite it being cramped. Before he can get out of the lamp, Sadie turns it off. She has Donna unplug it, label it and store it in the attic to be never turned on or plugged in again, trapping the Old One in the lamp forever. KC and Margie are devastated, and with their faith shaken, the Corkers are easily thralled by Donna, who drinks their blood as the episode ends.

QuotesEdit

Frank
Is there some literature you could leave? Or maybe you could just leave?

--

Frank
Hello! Please don’t come in.

--

Margie
Have you given any thought to the big questions in life?
Frank
Bigger than what?
Margie
Than say, where your next drink is coming from?
Frank
I can’t think of any.
Sadie
Oh! Oh! I know the answer! From the next bottle!

--

KC
We really think it’s important that Mrs Henderson prepare herself for what’s next.
Sadie
Is what’s next the door closing with the two of you on the other side of it?
KC
Ha ha, gosh no!

--

KC
We’re preparing you, like we said, for what’s coming.
Margie
Yeah, what’s on its’ way now, probably.
KC
What’s on its’ way now definitely!
Margie
Yeah, no way around it!
KC
None whatsoever! And what’s on its’ way is coming, and its’ coming for all of us!
Margie
And it starts right here!
Margie and KC, together
Tonight!
Sadie
Oh, we couldn’t possibly tonight.

--

Sadie
You can call us Mr and Mrs Doyle.
Frank
As in “goodbye Mr and Mrs Doyle, sorry to bother you during dinner!”
Sadie
Or, “another refill on your dinner Mr Doyle?”
Frank
As in “so long as you’re having another course as well, Mrs Doyle.”
Sadie
As in, “who says Mrs Doyle is having just one more Mr Doyle?”

--

Frank
Now, is it me, and it probably is, and please don’t take any offence, but is the cover of that book made of human flesh?
Margie
It is, yes! And no offence taken!

--

Frank
Sorry Donna, I don’t want to speak for you, did you want your child to become a vessel for an ancient evil?
Donna
No, yeah, pass.

--

Old One
Well, what do you have to say?
Frank
Me?
Old One
I like you, you’ve got charisma
Frank
Oh, I don’t know … Sure, yes I do.
Old One
[laughs] See, you make me laugh!
Franks
And of course you’ve met my wife.
Sadie
Sadie Doyle, charmed, thirsty, not in that order.

--

Frank
Listen, Old One, we tremble at your power –
Old One
Do you? Oh, I don’t see too good.

NotesEdit

  • Clink count: 4

ContinuityEdit

ProductionEdit

This episode was recorded at Largo on September 7, 2013 and released on February 17, 2014.

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