Wishing Hell is an episode of Beyond Belief.
- Frank Doyle - Paul F. Tompkins
- Sadie Doyle - Paget Brewster
- Nightmares the Clown - James Urbaniak
- Spooky Hal (Narrator) - Hal Lublin
Frank wakes from a nightmare about a childhood experience that he has never shared with Sadie. Sadie suggests putting together a puzzle to take his mind off things, but the picture of the puzzle transforms into a a scene of Frank's childhood nightmare: a wishing well.
The Doyles are interrupted by a knock at the door - it's Howard Schroeder, Frank's childhood friend, whom Frank hasn't seen since his traumatic experience. Howie has sought Frank out, as he too has been having nightmares about their shared childhood trauma. Howie has been seeing the wishing well everywhere he goes ("menus, mirrors"), and boys have been disappearing again from their hometown.
Frank is unable to tell Sadie about his experience, Howie steps up to explain things to Sadie. Howie tells Sadie that, in their youth, Frank, Howie, and a third friend, Peter Hendrick, were boy detectives. One day they went out looking for a dead body and discovered a pit filled with dead bodies of kids and decided to investigate. After three more clues, two hunches, and a fortuitous eavesdrop, the three boys found themselves at the wishing well on Founders' Hill.
Nightmares the Clown emerges from the well. He is the one was has been killing the children. The three boys are terrified and are pinned in place by Nightmares' powers. Nightmares offers them a deal - he's too full up of the lives of children right now to eat all three of them, so if they decide between themselves which one of them will be eaten, he'll let the other two go free.
Peter suggests a plan in which they would each say their own name (therefore making it a tie). Frank, afraid Nightmares will choose to eat all three of them, convinces Howie to say Peter's name. Peter goes first, saying his own name, and Frank and Howie also say Peter's name. When Nightmares returns for their decision, he drags Peter down into the well with him. Horrified by the screams of their friend, Frank and Howie boarded up the well and escaped in Howie's jalopy.
Sadie wants to return to the well to stop Frank's nightmares. He's resistant at first, but Sadie says she will protect him, and the three of them head out together to return to Bayport. When they reach the well, Nightmares is waiting for them. Terrified, Frank and Howie are trapped. Sadie, who finds clowns to be hilarious, is not.
Nightmares tries to turn into various things to scare her. Unfazed, Sadie tells him that she is only truly afraid of tiny spiders, and she implores him not to turn into a teeny tiny spider. Delighted with this information, Nightmares turns into a tiny spider, and Frank promptly squishes Nightmares with his shoe.
Howie, afraid of nothing for the first time in his life, celebrates the future hobbies he will now be able to pick up.
- Nightmares: It will be a great pleasure to meet you, and it will be greater pleasure to eat you Sadie Parker Knickerhouse Doyle.
- Sadie: (giggles) clown. Clown!
- Frank: Sadie, sinister clown, not like circus.
- Sadie: Oh, sorry darling, clowns just look so funny. You just look so funny, you! Oh look Frank, he’s walking towards me – do not slip on a banana peel! (giggles) I secretly hope he does slip on a banana peel!
- Howie: Frank, I’m frozen in fear!
- Frank: I’m afraid I am as well, deju vu. Sadie please, do not taunt the nightmare clown monster.
- Sadie: Oh, or what, he’ll get in small car with all his other clown friends and drive away? Oh, they can use the high-occupancy vehicle lane!
- Nightmares: Really, I’m not that kind of clown.
- Sadie: Oh, no clown friends? Sad clown
- Nightmares: I AM NOT A SAD CLOWN!
- Sadie: Oh, look at his feet Frank, they’re comically overlarge! You may not actually need a banana peel to trip and land upon your bottom. Oh! Oh, may I squeak your nose Mr Clown? Honk! Honk! That’s what it would sound like, honk.
- Nightmares: You know, perhaps you’d know true dread if you were to see my true form.
- Sadie: Oh, well, perhaps, no promises. Is your true form a mime? Or any sort of street juggler, I am far less fond of that.
- Nightmares: No, no.
- Sadie: But! However! If your true form is that of a lion tamer or a trapeze artist I would be duly impressed.
- Nightmares: Please I am not a circus! My true form, heretofore unseen by human eyes for milenia, is! (Nightmares transforms)
- Sadie: Oh Frank! He just turned into a giant spider!
- Frank: Uh oh, Sadie is deathly afraid of spiders.
- Nightmares: Excellent.
- Sadie: No, not giant spiders.
- Nightmares: Oh no?
- Sadie: No, only teeny tiny spiders. Ugh, it makes my skin crawl just to think of them, they’re so little and creepy and they can brush up against your hand when you’re in the liquor cabinet, innocently trying to retrieve a bottle. Oh, bogey man, I implore you not to turn into a teeny tiny spider, lest I actually become afraid.
- Nightmares: Oh, really? (Nightmares transforms again)
- Sadie: Oh! Heavens! A Spider! A regular sized, and itsy bitsy spider, my heebies are properly jeebied Frank! A spider, spider Frank!
- Frank: Yes, I see it love. Let me get rid of it for you.
- Nightmares: (now tiny) No wait!
- Frank: (steps on Nightmares)
- Sadie: My hero!
- Frank: Oh, I got bogeyman all over my loafers.
- Sadie: Frank, you look different.
- Frank: Do I?
- Sadie: It is something upon which I cannot put my finger.
- Frank: Hmm did I get a haircut?
- Sadie: No …
- Frank: I know, I’ve grown a moustache.
- Sadie: You’re moustache-less Frankenstein.
- Frank: Ah! Then I must have shaved off my moustache! Is that the difference?
- Sadie: Hmm no…
- Frank: Are these new pyjamas?
- Sadie: They are not.
- Frank: Sadie love, as you are the one looking at me and noticing a difference, why don’t you take a turn at guessing?
- Sadie: That sounds like fun!
- Frank: Care for a hair from the dog that bit us my dear? I will concede that it is a big dog and that we were bit often, but I believe that we can surmount that with perseverance and very big glasses. And enough refills.
- Howie: Oh wow! Frank you got married! My invitation must have got lost in the mail.
- Frank: Ha! I’m sure it would have, had I sent it.
- Unofficial transcript by Maddie
- Clink Count: 3
- This is the 5th episode of the Thrilling Adventure Hour.
- The prior episode is Tales from the Black Lagoon - Part One.
- The next episode is Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars - The Agony of the Feet.
- The prior Beyond Belief episode is Hell is the Loneliest Number (TAH #1).
- The next Beyond Belief episode is The Devil and Mr. Jones (TAH #10).
This episode was recorded on September 10, 2010 at Largo at the Coronet in Los Angeles, California. It was released on February 8, 2011.